Changing your patterns in relationships.
Do you find that you cycle through relationships regularly, end up in big arguments with friends, family or your significant other? Do you notice that you don’t have the “BFF” that everyone else seems to have and has had forever? The desire to be in relationships with other people is a basic need, much like food and shelter. So, when you struggle to keep friends, family or romantic relationships healthy and strong it can have a significant impact on your life. People who struggle with one type or all types of relationships are often confused and angry because they don’t understand why this keeps happening.
Anxiety and Depression can be the result when people have difficulty developing and/or maintaining relationships. It can be very difficult for people who feel that they are continuously rejected to put themselves “out there” to meet new people. It is very easy to begin to believe that there is no point in meeting people because even if you like them, and they seem to like you, eventually they leave. This risk taking can be too much for people and instead they begin to actively avoid those situations. In therapy, we can work at addressing the beliefs that exist as a result of the anxiety or depression. We can also discover and address what the barriers are to developing those healthy relationships that everyone craves.
Perhaps your relationships are full of lots of big emotions that cause difficulties. Maybe you get very angry and frustrated or jealous of people who you are in a relationship with and find that you say things you regret later. This may be followed by intense guilt, where you apologize repeatedly in order to save the relationship. This cycle of emotions that tend to feel like they are out of control can contribute to a relationship roller coaster and sometimes people don’t want to stay on that ride. If this sounds familiar, you may need some help regulating and managing your feelings. Let’s work together to learn strategies that help you work with your emotions and preserve your relationships.
Perhaps you have been told that you are “too nice” or “needy “; maybe your pattern is to please people in order to keep them happy so that the relationship can continue. You may find that you allow people to treat you poorly, but because they are your friend, or your sister or your partner you justify their behaviour and allow it to continue. You may find that you often go above and beyond for your friends, family or romantic partners. This can often lead to you feeling underappreciated and frustrated. On the flip side, people may feel that you don’t give them enough space. You might need some assistance to set firmer boundaries in your relationships and to learn that you can say “no” and people won’t leave.
These are just some of the examples of how people struggle in relationships. The good news is that this does not have to be permanent.
You don’t need to feel
lonely and isolated,
your therapist will
help you to:
- 1.Discover where your relationships break down occurs.
- 2.Determine what is a healthy, strong relationship and what your patterns are with people.
- 3.Find the courage to reach out to new people to connect.
- 4.Learn how to set firm and helpful boundaries.
- 5.Begin to believe in yourself and your ability to have strong relationships.
- 6.Determine which people you want to allow into your life and which ones you need to end.
- 7.Learn how to regulate and manage your emotions so that they don’t get in your way.
- 8.Together let’s begin to figure out what your unhelpful patterns are in any type of relationship and then break those patterns and learn how you can achieve what everyone desires, strong healthy relationships.